


Firefly Without a Light

by furiosity



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: M/M, Trope Bingo Round 3, poor communication skills
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-26
Updated: 2014-02-02
Packaged: 2018-01-09 22:54:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1151779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/furiosity/pseuds/furiosity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aomine Daiki is occasionally a shitlord and sometimes he figures that out without needing to be told. Other times, not so much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Поезд вне расписания (перевод с англ. furiosity "Firefly without a light")](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1346308) by [CrazyJill](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrazyJill/pseuds/CrazyJill)



"Give it to me," Daiki growls. "How long you gonna make me wait?" 

Kagami pushes him down with both hands against his upper back, leans close. His fingers are slick with lube, and his tongue glides warm and soft against the shell of his ear. "Begging, Aomine? Really?"

Daiki bristles. "I'm not begging, quit teasing me--" 

Kagami bites his earlobe, and Daiki forgets the rest. It's always like this, no matter if it's Daiki fucking Kagami or vice versa. He's so weak to Kagami's touch it's all he can do not to lose all self-control in his hands. Kagami has no clue, and Daiki plans to keep it that way. Wouldn't want Kagami to get the wrong idea: it's not like Daiki cares about him. They have chemistry, that's all.

"You smell good," Kagami mumbles into his neck, and Daiki shivers. Strong chemistry. So strong it sometimes makes him light-headed just to be in Kagami's presence. He hates that.

"What's the matter, can't get hard enough to fuck me?" he asks, smirking. "Let's switch places, I'm plenty hard." His dick's leaking precome onto Kagami's sheets.

"You wish," Kagami says, sitting back up. "You're so bad at losing." He works his thumb in between Daiki's ass cheeks and presses it against his hole. He's spent so much time greasing it up, it feels like his thumb could slide right in if Daiki relaxed only a little.

Daiki lifts his hips higher. "Like you're any better."

Kagami moves back to sit up and grips Daiki's ass with both hands, squeezes, releases, squeezes again. "I didn't lose this time."

Daiki pushes back, craning his neck to see Kagami's face. "I'll get you back in the summer tournament." Daiki's university lost to Kagami's earlier that week, and the deal was that whoever loses, bottoms.

Kagami slides his cock into Daiki's ass crack. "Summer, huh? That mean I top every time until then?"

Daiki laughs. "You'd miss my dick too much. And I don't remember betting for more than once."

"Don't you like it when I fuck you?"

Daiki likes it a little too much when Kagami fucks him, truth be told, but not enough to forgo fucking Kagami. Kagami presses the head of his cock against Daiki's asshole, and the texture of it sends soft, quivering heat flooding into his lower body.

"Do it," Daiki whispers. He hasn't been with anyone else since they started fucking -- two years ago, just before they graduated from high school. He's sure Kagami hasn't either. University is a joke -- they're both going to keep passing all their courses as long as they continue delivering results on the court -- but they're both too busy with basketball to have time for a piece on the side. The idea of Kagami's dick in him with no barrier makes his insides ache with exquisite anticipation. He's had it in his mouth enough times to know what it would feel like.

"Don't be stupid," Kagami says after tearing a condom pack open with his teeth. "It isn't safe."

"Why, have you been seeing other people?" Even though Daiki knows the answer, he doesn't like waiting for it.

Kagami smacks his ass. "Of course not, idiot. That's not why."

"If you don't have any weird diseases and I don't have any weird diseases, what's the worst that can happen?"

"Shut the fuck up," Kagami advises, sliding into him. Even with the rubber, it's so good that Daiki has to bite back a moan. He likes this part almost as much as he likes coming: the heavy pressure against his insides, the steady throb of Kagami's pulse so deep in him, always a little out of sync with his own. Kagami knows it too; he figured it out after the second time they did this. So when he tops, he makes sure to switch positions as often as possible, so no two times are ever alike.

Tonight it's nice and steady from behind, then a little faster on his side, then a slow, measured rhythm when they're face to face. Each time Kagami glides into him, Daiki tries to anticipate what pace he's going to set -- but although Kagami's completely predictable in every other situation, there are two types of occasions where Daiki just can't read him: in the paint when they fight, and in bed when they fuck.

Daiki's forgotten all about controlling himself or having the upper hand. Breath by breath, Kagami's stolen his composure and quelled his good sense; Daiki moans into the small space between their mouths, rocks up against Kagami to take him deeper, clenches down on him to increase the pressure, and comes comes _comes_ all over himself, mind a gloriously perfect void. He doesn't even register Kagami coming, but when he eases his legs down, Kagami's already removed the condom and is tying it so it doesn't spill. He drops it to the floor and lies down next to Daiki, wrapping both arms around his neck and snuggling closer; his skin damp all over.

Daiki hates it when Kagami holds him close like this. It makes him feel safer than anything in the world, and that's dangerous. He can't afford to rely on someone else to keep him safe.

"I thought of a bet for next time," he says, extricating himself. "If I win, we start fucking raw."

Kagami raises his head up off the pillow and affects a meaningful look. "Is that your way of proposing marriage?" 

Daiki smirks and gives Kagami's ass a casual slap. "Full of yourself, aren't you? We're just fucking. I could do that with anyone. You're a hundred years too early to make me fall for you, let alone think about marriage." He pushes Kagami away, gets off the bed and starts looking around for his underwear. A moment later, Kagami's phone starts playing the theme song to that dumb casual game he's been into lately, the one with the bubbles and all the weird-looking monsters. Daiki hates it when Kagami plays it; the goddamn thing takes all of his attention.

He quickly pulls on his cargos and team sweater, then glances at Kagami with irritation. Kagami's wrapped one of the sheets around his waist and is leaning against the headboard, absorbed in the game. Daiki's annoyance spikes. He was going to suggest they go out and grab some burgers before he catches the train home, but if Kagami's going to ignore him, he can eat by his own damn self.

"Well, see ya," he says. 

"Yeah, bye," Kagami replies without looking up from his phone screen. 

Aomine's halfway to the train station before his anger ebbs away and he notices the gnawing unease in his stomach. Something was off about Kagami just now, but he can't figure out what it was. It wasn't that he didn't bother seeing Aomine to the door; he stopped doing that months ago. It wasn't that he kept playing that damn game of his; he's always playing it. Aomine tries not to dwell on it -- it's just Kagami -- but it feels important, in a way: like being halfway through a mission in a video game when you realize you missed a chance to score a bonus side quest and will have to restart the mission if you want another chance. 

He's taking his shoes off at home when he figures it out. In the two years since they've started fucking, he's never once slept over at Kagami's. Waking up together is too intimate for a relationship like theirs, and he'd never hear the end of it from his mom, who's already convinced that Daiki's busy running around town fathering illegitimate children. But Kagami has always asked him to stay the night, every time.

He didn't ask tonight.

* 

"Dai-chan?" 

"What?" Daiki snaps. For the millionth time, he was going over all he could remember from the last time he saw Kagami. Why can't Satsuki just eat her parfait and leave him to his thoughts? Isn't it enough that he let her drag him out to the family restaurant because she wanted to eat the Chocolate Strawberry Explosion special but didn't want to go alone?

Satsuki gives him an annoyed look. "Easy on the attitude. What's with you lately?"

"Nothing, quit prying into my business."

"If I wanted to know your business I'd know it," Satsuki returns, flipping her hair to the side. "Don't take your bad moods out on me."

"Fine, it's my bad," Daiki mutters. "Are you happy now?"

"Do I look happy?"

"Maybe if you ate your Chocolate Strawberry Explosion instead of letting it melt, you'd be happier," Daiki suggests, hoping to divert her attention back to her ice cream. It works.

Kagami hasn't called him in a week. He calls at least twice a week; he always has, ever since the beginning. That's how they usually end up arranging to meet: Kagami calls, tries to pretend like he wants to make small talk, then tells Daiki to come over. He always calls, even if only to say he caught a cold and Daiki shouldn't come. Daiki hates being sick; Kagami knows that.

Maybe that's the problem. Maybe he's caught something and even lost his voice. These things happen. He wouldn't send a text because that's one of the rules. Texting leaves a trail, and anyone who wants to pursue an athletic career should be careful about the trail he leaves, especially if it's about sex stuff. So Daiki just needs to call; easy enough. He can't remember the last time he was the one to call Kagami, but it's not like he refuses to -- he just hasn't had reason to. Since Kagami always calls first. Daiki slides out of the booth.

"Gotta make a call," he tells Satsuki, who nods absentmindedly.

Outside, he dials Kagami's number and senses a weird flutter in his chest. Why is he getting excited over a phone call? To Kagami, of all people?

After many, many rings, Kagami's voice mail activates. Daiki doesn't bother leaving a message: Kagami will see the missed call, then he'll get in contact.

*

"It's his fucking loss," Daiki murmurs. He's lost count how many times he's repeated it lately; it's become kind of a mantra. 

It's been a month with no word from Kagami. He's tried calling a couple more times, but for some reason Kagami's phone is always turned off, and the two times Daiki went by Kagami's place, he wasn't home. Though why Kagami wouldn't be home at midnight when the light in his living room was clearly on was anyone's guess. 

Daiki didn't really go there on purpose, anyway; he was just in the area and decided to stop by on the off chance Kagami was around. He'd probably have better luck visiting Kagami's university gymnasium, but he has no desire to have his coach yell at him for trying to mess with a rival team. Especially since said team knocked them out of the winter tournament.

There's not really anyone he can ask what's been going on with Kagami that he's too busy to return a fucking phone call. Tetsu's over in Fukuoka pursuing actual higher learning. Plus it would be weird for Daiki to call Tetsu there when both he and Kagami are in Tokyo. He's never been in touch with the rest of the guys from Kagami's old high school. He doesn't know anyone else Kagami pals around with. Satsuki's kind of friendly with Aida, Kagami's former coach, but Daiki will eat his own underpants before he lets Satsuki find out about Kagami.

He stares at his hand and sees Kagami's fingers lacing together with his as they lay in bed after Daiki fucked him for the first time. A weird pang goes through his chest -- Daiki hasn't felt its like since Teikou, that time he began to believe he could never enjoy basketball again. The pain of loss. But loss of what? Kagami? Ridiculous. He doesn't even _like_ Kagami. He knows more about the least popular gravure idol than about Kagami.

When Kagami starts talking about anything other than sex, Daiki just tunes him out the way he does to Satsuki when she starts going on about boring stuff. Kagami likes basketball, hamburgers, sex, and that stupid phone game. He doesn't like dogs and rabbit food. Just looking at him makes Daiki's dick hard, even if he's wearing his team colors and facing Daiki on a basketball court. Maybe especially then.

"It's his loss," Daiki says, a little louder this time. Persuasive.

His mom opens his bedroom door. "Were you calling me?"

"No," Daiki says. "Just thinking out loud."

"By the way, shouldn't you be in class?"

"I'm gonna move to a dorm if you keep asking me that," Daiki says. Her eyes widen; she shakes her head vigorously and backs out, shutting the door.

He stares at it. His parents have been living on the edge of divorce for as long as he can remember, and he knows, more or less, that the minute he leaves home, neither of them is going to have a reason to stay. So he hangs around for their sake, even though it's a fucking drag. Eventually, he'll have to move out, so really it's just delaying the inevitable.

"Should've used a condom," Daiki says under his breath, even though that's a really weird thing to think. If his parents had used condoms, he wouldn't exist at all.

In his mind's eye, the condom Kagami used last time they were together sails through the air and drops to the floor, and if he closes his eyes, he can almost feel the residual heat from Kagami's embrace. Now that he hasn't seen Kagami for a month, he wishes he didn't push him away so quickly. For some reason the things he remembers most easily have nothing to do with sex, not really. It's the way Kagami looked at him sometimes when he thought Daiki couldn't see him, and the way he offered to cook Daiki's favourite things, and the way he was uncomplicated and didn't ask for the moon at his feet before lending Daiki his body.

That night, Daiki dreams about lying underneath the heavy white duvet Kagami uses in winter. Somewhere in here with him is Kagami, but this is a dream, so Kagami's bed is endlessly huge. Daiki can't see him or touch him, but he feels his presence. He reaches out, searching for Kagami's hand under the covers, but then someone pulls the duvet away from his face. It's Kagami, and he's got that dumb goofy smile on his face that he always gets when he's really happy. Daiki's only ever seen it on the court.

Daiki wakes to shadows lurking in the corners of his room and dull, throbbing anger he can't explain. He gets up and walks over to the tiny window and peers outside, letting the glass cool first one cheek, then the other. Not anger. He's disappointed that it was just a dream.

_I miss him._

It takes a few more weeks for it to sink in. Every time he tries to call Kagami, he gets the nice recorded lady explaining that the party he's calling is unavailable or out of range. 

He even sends a text, once, just a short _hey, are you even there_ and it looks like it's gone through, but no response comes. Autumn has given way to winter with the customary awkwardly silent New Year's holiday and a pile of greeting cards, only some of which are for Daiki especially and none of which are from Kagami. He doesn't even know if Kagami's the type to send those cards in the first place.

Depressing holidays aside, winter means the start of the tournament. Daiki's university isn't in the running, but they're required to attend the games their coach decides are interesting, and that means Kagami.

*

Daiki leans forward in his seat, wishing he could just go down to the court and watch from ground level, pretending like he belongs near the bench. But everyone here knows exactly who he is, and his coach is watching, so all he can do is stare at Kagami and wonder if he's been spotted.

Every time Kagami seems to be looking his way, his heart starts to thunder and stomach flips as though he's on a rollercoaster. For years he's known everything about how Kagami moves on a basketball court; the feeling is a little like rediscovering a once-loved movie.

After a fierce fight on both sides, Kagami's team loses -- and Daiki wishes he didn't come with his team. Then he could loiter outside the arena where he knows the players will emerge, and then Kagami would have no choice but to notice him. Though Kagami's teammates might also notice, and then the coach would yell at him or worse, bench him. Too much at stake, blah blah, professional scouts, blah blah, no suspicious behavior tolerated, blah blah blah.

On his way home from the train station, Daiki stops and stares at the three telephone booths across from the ticket gate. He must have passed them a thousand times before. On a whim, he walks in one, drops a coin in the slot, finds Kagami's number in his cell phone address book, and punches it in.

_Ring._

_Ring._

"Hello?"

Kagami's voice in his ear brings a chill to the base of Daiki's spine, but this isn't his bedroom voice -- it's full of polite confusion at the unknown caller.

"Kagami--"

He listens to Kagami's breath catch. There's a burst of laughter in the background, followed by a slammed locker door. He must still be at the arena.

"What did I do?"

In the end, it's all he can say. Other words and phrases swim in his mind, like baby crayfish swarming underneath a rock, but he just can't catch them. Now that he's seen that Kagami's not down with some mysterious illness, he knows he must've done something to make Kagami angry enough to avoid him, but he still doesn't know what it was. He never meant any harm.

The silence on the other end is so prolonged that Aomine wonders if the call got cut off. 

"Kagami?" 

Kagami sighs, loud and deep. The line makes a stuttering mechanical noise, and the phone speaker begins beeping rapidly. _He hung up._

*

"Dai-chan? What's wrong?" 

"What the hell did you come here for?" Daiki snarls, glaring at Satsuki from his bed. "Who invited you?" 

Satsuki's eyebrows draw together. " _You_ did. Yesterday, you said to come and get you when I go to the pool, but I see you've changed your mind. Fine! Why do I even put up with you any more?"

She turns to leave, but Daiki beats her to the door and blocks her way. None of this is her fault, and now that he's made Kagami angry, the last thing he needs is to make Satsuki angry, too. "My bad," he says. "I was just-- never mind. Let's go to the pool."

Satsuki looks like she's about to say something, then she shakes her head. "Yeah. But yell at me like that again and I'm never talking to you, got that?"

"I said it was my bad," Daiki complains. "I won't do it again."

Satsuki still gives him the silent treatment all the way to the bus stop.

"Let's say you have a friend that you talk to on the phone," he ventures once they board the bus.

Satsuki turns to him. "Ye-es?"

"Cell phone," Daiki amends. "You call her on your cell phone."

"Dai-chan, are you feeling all right?"

"But one day you keep trying to call her, but all you get is that generic out of area recording. You know the one."

Satsuki nods. "Okay..."

"And no matter how many times you try to call, that's all you ever get. So you find a telephone booth and dial your friend's number, and she picks up. What does that mean?"

"That means she's got my number blocked," Satsuki says immediately. "I've done it to a lot of guys who wouldn't take no for an answer."

"Oh."

Satsuki peers into his face. "Why do you want to know? Who's blocking your number? I didn't know you ever called anyone."

Daiki pretends not to hear her.

*

He spots Kagami's dark red hair first, and his heart picks up its pace. His fingertips and nose are so cold they're numb; he's waited for at least two hours, but finally he's going to get Kagami alone, one way or another.

"Kagami."

Kagami stops, and the carefree expression on his face hardens. "What the hell do you want?" he asks, frowning down at the grocery bag in his hand.

Daiki shrugs, flustered. "I came to see if you wanted to fuck."

"You really are the worst," Kagami says, toneless. "I'm leaving."

"Wait, come on, I was just kidding," Daiki says quickly. "What happened? What did I do?"

"You're seriously asking me." Kagami's eyes are full of genuine disbelief. "After two years of jerking me around, you just casually up and tell me that to you it was just fucking, all along? I put up with your cagey asshole bullshit all that time because I thought we were _dating_ , Aomine. I thought you liked me."

"I do like you," Daiki offers. It's the first thing that comes to mind, and it's true, but given what Kagami just told him, pathetically inadequate.

"Just leave," Kagami says, staring past him. "I don't want anything to do with you."

Invisible claws lodge in Daiki's heart. "I see." He breathes in deeply, though it's hard to get air past the tightness in his chest. "You should've just said so in the first place. Saved us both the trouble." 

"And you would have listened?" 

Daiki gives him a scornful look. "I don't go where I know I'm not wanted. You never said you didn't want me around." 

"Not calling and blocking your phone weren't clues enough for you?" 

"What the fuck do I look like, Detective Conan?" Daiki snaps. "If you don't tell me clearly then how am I supposed to know?" 

"Yeah, I guess that's true," Kagami says. "So I'll tell you again, clearly, since you didn't hear me the first time: Leave. I don't want to see you. Don't come around here again."

He walks away, and Daiki just stares in his wake, wondering where the rewind button is. This wasn't supposed to happen. He wasn't supposed to go on the defensive like that. He didn't know Kagami's eyes could be so cold -- but that's not even what hurts the most. The worst thing is the look on Kagami's face when he said _I thought you liked me_.

Daiki walks to a nearby bench and sinks down on it. _We're just fucking. I could do that with anyone._

He had no clue that was what caused Kagami to freeze him out -- because he really meant it at the time. He thought it was true. And he always assumed Kagami saw things the same way. They kind of just ended up in bed together; they never discussed their feelings or plans for the future.

Because Kagami didn't ask for the fucking moon, because Kagami seemed happy just to be with him on whatever terms, Daiki was able to avoid thinking about how he felt. _We're not a couple, we're just fucking_ was a nice fairy-tale he invented so that he didn't have to deal with having fallen hard for another guy. If he realized Kagami was serious about him, he'd never have said such a thing.

But even Kagami were here, Daiki doubts he'd be able to say any of this to him. Even if he did, it would probably just sound like excuses, or like he was trying to blame everything on Kagami for being too easygoing. And anyway, no one would believe that there was a person stupid enough to boink someone for two years and not realize that at least one of them had to be in love. At least.

Satsuki always likes to say that it's not worth worrying about things outside of his control. Even if you miss one train, there's usually another right behind it. 

* 

"It was a lie," Daiki mumbles, staring at the colorful placemat in front of him. 

Satsuki pauses with her spoonful of Sensational Fruit Experience. "What was?" 

"What you said about trains." 

"Trains?" 

"Yeah, you know, that another train's coming even if you miss one." 

"Why was it a lie?" 

"Some trains come only once." 

"I've never heard of such a train." 

"Sometimes they even wait for you to notice they're there, and then they get fed up and leave without you." 

"Ah." Satsuki says with a knowing look. "In that case you do have another option, if you've made up your mind about being on that particular train." 

"What?" 

"You run after it and hope you can catch up at the next stop." 

"I'm not running after--" Daiki breaks off. He was about to say Kagami, but that's not a conversation he wants to have right now. "Forget it." 

Satsuki grins and points at him with her spoon. "If you're not willing to chase it, then you don't really care about having missed it. Just wait for the next one." 

Daiki glares at her. "Don't point at people with your utensils." 

"I know, you hate it when I'm right." She tilts her head to the side. "And I'm always right, so it sucks to be you." 

She works on her parfait with single-minded concentration, which suits Daiki just fine. He was worried she'd salt and pepper him with questions.

"Will you ever tell me who it was, this train of yours?" Satsuki asks, as if on cue.

"You're mad you didn't know, aren't you?" Daiki says, deflecting.

"I'm not _mad_ ," Satsuki says, her face completely serious. "Just a little lonely, I guess. You used to tell me everything -- eventually -- but I guess it's past time you found a special someone." 

"I didn't find anyone like that." _I lost him._

Satsuki taps her spoon against the side of the thick parfait serving glass. "I'm sorry it didn't work out. Next time will be better." 

Daiki stares out at the snow drifting past the window. "What if I don't want a next time?"

"Then start running. Forget about pride." 

"You don't get it. This one doesn't want to be chased. I got my walking papers and everything." 

"Did you get told to leave and then storm off in a huff?" 

"No. I guess. Kind of." In the intervening weeks, Daiki has often wondered what would have happened if he were capable of doing something as pathetic as asking Kagami for another chance.

"You need a go-between, then. Someone who'll let the other person know you don't want to miss them." She glances at his face and offers a lopsided grin. "I'm not going to pretend to be talking about trains, Dai-chan. So don't give me that scary face." 

"That's not why," Daiki says. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Send someone else? If I can't do it myself, then what's the point?" 

"If you do it yourself, it's rude, since you were told to leave. That's a boundary the person's set for you, and if you don't care about their boundaries, then how can you say you care about them? If you ask a friend to intercede, you can find out if maybe the other person just, I don't know, wanted to see if you cared enough to argue when they told you to go away." 

"Then why tell me to leave to begin with?" Daiki asks with a sinking feeling.

"Oh, well, _excuse me_ , Mr. I've-Never-Said-A-Word-I-Didn't-Mean." 

Daiki glares at her. "Shut up." 

"Besides, maybe you aren't the only one who has your pride." 

It's a nice talk and a nice dream, but there's no one to act as go-between. Tetsu's all the way in Fukuoka, and his team got knocked out of the winter tournament preliminaries, so there isn't even a chance of him coming to Tokyo until the summer. He and Kagami have no other mutual friends. He'll try explaining it to Tetsu, as mortifying as that's going to be, but for now all he can do is take his lumps and focus on his game.

His game being basketball, and with the summer tournament qualifiers almost here, that would mean seeing Kagami.

Except Kagami said he didn't want to see Daiki again, so how is he supposed to respect this boundary thing Satsuki talked about?

*

"You realize that puts your academic, ah, achievement in jeopardy, Aomine-kun?"

"Yes, coach." Actually, Daiki didn't realize that, but he'll figure something out. Maybe he can just quit school. He doesn't want to do anything with his life except play basketball, so what the hell does he need a degree for?

"Look, I'll take you off the roster and notify the college basketball association of the line-up change, but let me do this also: I'll tell the dean that you're probably going to be back. That way he won't try to force you to get back on the team by threatening to fail you on the upcoming finals. How about that?"

Daiki shrugs. "Do whatever you need to, Coach."

"You don't expect me to believe you're actually done with basketball, I hope."

"Nah. I'll join one of the small pro teams on a part-time basis, I guess. Or just play amateur until I can go pro."

"It'll be much more difficult for you to go pro if you aren't endorsed by a university. Think about it, son. We've got two more months until the summer prelims, so think about it long and hard."

"I will," Daiki lies. He's one of the best players in Japan. He's not gonna have any trouble going pro, endorsement or no endorsement.

*

There's a smallish cardboard box in his room that contains a handful of photos, a t-shirt, and a hand-scribbled note. 

The photos he found on his smartphone's memory card and printed out because it seemed like the right thing to do before deleting them. He took them when he first got the phone on a winter's day last year. A thick white duvet, then the same duvet with a visible lump under it, and then Kagami's annoyed face peeking out from under the duvet. 

_"Don't take my picture like this, aren't you the one who always complains about leaving trails or whatever?"_

_"Relax, it's only on my phone, and you're under the duvet. Nobody can see that you're naked"_

_"Oh, I thought you were using some kind of X-Ray app or whatever. Kuroko told me those were a thing._

_"How are you so fucking gullible?"_

The shirt is one of Kagami's, with the mysterious word _hollister_ in bold capitals; Daiki hasn't been able to find it in any dictionary. It's from their second year of high school. They were supposed to play basketball with Tetsu, but he had to go somewhere with his mom at the last minute, so it ended up being just the two of them. A summer downpour soaked them both; Kagami let Daiki dry off in his apartment and even lent him this shirt so he wouldn't have to go home all drenched. Daiki kept forgetting to return it.

The note is one Kagami wrote to him during an occupational health and safety workshop at a joint training camp last summer. It was all very official sounding with mandatory attendance but in the end it was just a balding dude talking about how all players should do their best to avoid becoming injured. As if normally players ran around injuring themselves on purpose.

_Who fucks who into the futon later?_

No one fucked anyone that day, because there were too many other people around at the camp, but a lot of fucking happened when the two of them took an unplanned detour to a nearby hot spring resort on their way back to Tokyo.

And this is it: the sum total of the physical proof that Daiki and Kagami had something. As trails go, this one would be easy to erase. A lot easier than to get rid of everything Daiki carries inside -- he'd need a thousand of these boxes to hold all that stuff. It's so weird how _enormous_ Kagami is inside his mind -- and has been all along, even though he didn't realize it. Daiki's weeks used to be planned around Kagami's calls, yet they never even got on a first-name basis.

His phone rings. Daiki glances at the display, and his hand moves to swipe the call in by itself. It's Kagami.

"Why'd you quit the team?" Kagami demands. It's been a couple of weeks since Daiki quit: time enough for the news to reach Kagami's coach. It's not every day your biggest rival team loses its trump card.

Daiki's not quick-witted enough to lie. "You said you didn't want to see me; I kinda assumed you meant it."

"I didn't mean it like _that_. They'll flunk you out if you quit, so don't be an idiot, you idiot."

"Then I'll flunk out," Daiki says. "I don't really care."

"Just don't blame me later."

"Don't worry." _He didn't call because he cares about what happens to me. He just doesn't want to feel responsible._ "It's not your fault."

"I know it's not."

Daiki doesn't argue, even though it's obvious Kagami doesn't really know it, or he wouldn't be calling at all. He grips the phone tightly in his hand. The conversation's over; there's nothing left to say, but he still has a lot of things he wants to say.

_I was wrong._

_I didn't want you to think I was weak, so I let myself believe I didn't care._

_I didn't notice your feelings because it was easier for it to be all about sex for both of us._

_I didn't know how important you were until you were gone._

_I miss you._

And so on. One thing more pathetic than the other; nothing he can say out loud without getting laughed at. 

"Well, bye," Kagami says.

Daiki breathes in, wishing he could stop time here. Cardboard box on his dresser. All the mixed-up stuff in his head. Kagami's voice on the other end of a phone line -- the last thread that connects them. When Kagami hangs up, it'll be cut, and who knows when they'll meet again. He doesn't want to say goodbye.

_Drop your pride and start running._

He exhales.

On the other end, Kagami does too, and then there's a soft _click_.

Daiki hurls his phone at the dresser. "Fuck!"

His mom peeks in through the half-open door. "Language."

"Not now, mom."

"Bad news?"

"The worst." His voice breaks. "Sorry, but can you leave me alone?"

"Do you want a snack?"

"Maybe later."

Daiki picks his phone back up and offers silent thanks for Satsuki's insistence on buying a protective case. If she hadn't done that, this thing would be in pieces now. _Like my life._ He rolls his eyes. Now he's just being dramatic. This isn't the end of the world. Sure as shit feels like it, but it isn't.

He lies down and shuts his eyes and tries to sleep, but can't stop thinking about all the things he could have said. Satsuki thinks he can't throw his pride away, but it's not about pride. He didn't see the ball coming, but he had a chance to put it into play, and he still fumbled it. He can't blame the guy who passed him the ball for that, and he can't expect him to pass again. Even if he apologizes for fumbling a million times, he can't expect that. He can't even ask for it. He can try explaining himself to Kagami until he's blue in the face; it won't change a thing about his fuckup.

Outside, the air's warmed up enough to start things melting noisily -- it's a false spring; the morning weather lady warned of freezing temperatures coming with tomorrow's front, but it won't be long now before the end of winter. In a couple of more weeks, Kagami's going to put away the thick white duvet, and it'll be a season since Daiki's touched him. A whole season gone, but every part of him remembers what that felt like. Kagami hadn't been with anyone before, so Daiki was all he knew. That's probably changed now, but he doesn't want to think about that.

Instead, he thinks about the hot spring resort, and Kagami insisting on wearing his stupid swim trunks like he's not Japanese, and Daiki sneaking up behind him to push them off, only to be interrupted by a bunch of middle school baseball players fresh from their first training camp. He thinks about Kagami staring at the food served in their room in confusion and wondering out loud if there's a special order in which it should be eaten. And later, Kagami holding Daiki down on the futon, naked, and refusing to even kiss him until Daiki apologized for lying about the food.

It's enough like a dream that Daiki's able to doze off. He vaguely hears his mom say she's going down to the greengrocer's. Next time he blinks back sleep, she's back with a rustle of shopping bags and calling his name.

 _Probably wants me to help carry the groceries in._ Daiki stretches, pulls on a shirt, and walks out to the entrance hall.

Kagami's standing there, looking comically gigantic next to Daiki's mom. "Yo," he says, eyes shifting away from Daiki's.

Daiki swallows. "Hey."

"Come in, come in," his mom urges. "Dai-kun, did you steal the guest slippers again? Oh, no, I see them. Here you are, Kagami-kun."

Daiki stares at Kagami, and the way he stares back reminds him of when they first met: sizing each other up like a couple of unfamiliar cats in neutral territory. He was determined to hate Kagami then -- he doesn't even remember why; it had something to do with Tetsu. Kagami shrugs out of his winter jacket and hangs it on a peg next to Daiki's.

"We'll just be in my room," Daiki tells his mom, his voice rough.

"Sure, I'll bring out some snacks once I get this stuff put away."

Daiki's room is too small for two people his size, and there isn't really any place to sit except the bed and his desk chair, which is covered in clothes. He shoves some of those out of the way and straddles the chair, careful not to let it roll, as he would roll right into Kagami. He gestures to the bed. "You can sit there if you want."

"Nah," Kagami says, pressing his back to the door. "I was knocking when your mom came up and made me go in with her. I wasn't gonna come in, but she's kind of scary."

Daiki flashes a grin. "That's my ma."

Kagami doesn't smile back and looks away. "I came to tell you not to quit the team."

"You could've just told me on the phone," Daiki says. He knew this wasn't going to be some kind of kiss and make up moment, but he's still disappointed. "Anyway, it's done."

"I'm telling you I'm fine with it. I, uh. I still want to play basketball with you. I guess."

Daiki's heart beats faster. Hey, at least that's something. "That's cool. We can do that in a couple of years, when we're both pro."

"That makes no sense."

Daiki stares down at the floor. "Yeah, well. I got my reasons." He'll never be able to bring his best game while every glance at Kagami sends icy lashes of pain through his everything.

"You hate me that much, huh."

Daiki raises his head abruptly. "I don't hate you."

"Right. You messed me around for two years because I'm your favorite."

Daiki sighs. What the hell does he have to lose? "I didn't mean to mess you around."

"Yeah, you accidentally forgot to mention that you were just using me for sex."

"Not accidentally," Daiki snaps. "I thought you were using me too." 

Kagami's look turns from hostile skepticism to absolute bewilderment, and suddenly Daiki's spilling every last one of his guts in a rambling monotone, his eyes fixed on Kagami's mismatched socks. With every word he says he feels a little lighter inside, though he's growing more and more afraid of facing Kagami again. When he's done, he rolls the chair around to turn his back to Kagami. He feels a million times better, but he knows that'll only last until Kagami leaves in disgust.

"You are seriously dumber than a pile of rocks," Kagami remarks after an extended silence.

"Yeah, well, you're no genius yourself," Daiki bites back.

Half a second later, he's being hauled out of the chair and backed against the desk, which shudders with the impact and sends a pile of printer paper to the floor. But that happens in another dimension, somewhere Daiki doesn't have Kagami's arms around him again, somewhere he's still unhappy.

"Fucking hug me back or I'll kick your ass," Kagami mumbles.

Daiki doesn't make him wait.


	2. B Side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't actually intend to continue this, and this is not a sequel so much as a coda of sorts, because Kagami. Thank you so much to everyone who read and/or said things and/or left kudos! ♥♥♥

The doorbell chimes again. Taiga glares up at it. 

All he has to do is get up from the floor and open the door, but then he would have to look at Aomine's face, and that's not something he ever wants to happen again. Well, he might have no choice if their teams end up matched in the summer tournament, but that's months away.

_Ding-dong._

He actually was about to open the door moments ago, but common sense prevailed, and he sat down with his back to it instead. Aomine's absence from his life is like an open wound that just won't quit. Too bad the only remedy is the total obliteration of Taiga's self-respect.

All he _wants_ to do is get up from the floor and open the door. He'll stand aside so Aomine can come in. Aomine will saunter inside as if nothing's changed -- why would he do anything else, after all? Then Taiga will shut the door and follow him all the way to his bedroom. He can practically hear the buttons on Aomine's jeans popping open, taste the ever-present breath mint on his tongue, smell his aftershave, shiver as his fingertips slide up beneath his shirt, his thumbs tracing the outline of Taiga's stomach muscles. They wouldn't talk. Talking was for later. Maybe for never.

"Not home, huh," Aomine mutters on the other side of the door.

Taiga listens carefully to his receding footfalls. He wonders if Aomine is too stupid or too arrogant to realise that Taiga's simply not opening the door. Hearing Aomine's voice reminds Taiga why his feverish fantasies feature no talking: he can still hear the last words Aomine said to him.

_We're just fucking. I could do that with anyone._

It's been three weeks already, but it hasn't stopped hurting any. 

Aomine's bored voice, and that signature half-smirk that stole Taiga's heart long ago. He didn't know it then, but that perfunctory slap would be the last time Aomine touched him. Taiga _froze_ that night; his emotions just up and went away somewhere inside. He never knew words could hurt _that_ bad.

And if it was just fucking, if Aomine could do it with anyone, why did he always come here? 

*

"Tatsuya?" Taiga types. "You there?"

"Yeah, just woke up. You need something?"

"Not really. Had a weird question."

"How weird? I can't handle too weird before I've had coffee."

"It's about a girl." Tatsuya has no clue about Aomine, and Taiga isn't sure what he'd think of him if he did.

"You aren't hooking up with a cheerleader, are you? Because if so, fuck you very much."

"No, not a cheerleader. But it's about hooking up, kind of."

"Kind of how?"

"Kind of once," Taiga types, grinning despite himself. "If she comes over and wants to do it again, does that mean we're going out?"

"I'd assume so. Though who is this girl? Hooking up with your stupid ass not once but multiple times?"

"Mind your own business. Oh right, I forgot: you can't. That's why you can't get a girlfriend."

"Shut up, I can get a girlfriend any time. I just haven't been trying. So was that it?"

"I guess."

`Tatsuya H is typing` the bottom of the screen informs him for a minute or so.

"Seriously, though, if she wants you twice without actually saying she just wants to be special friends, you're going out. Take her somewhere nice. Introduce her to your friends. If she refuses to do any of that, then maybe she just thinks you're hot but doesn't want a relationship."

"I just thought maybe it was one of those Japan things I never get right. Like somebody has to confess, you know. Before it's official."

"Nah, I doubt it. Some people can probably try to get out of a bad relationship by saying, oh, I never agreed to go out with you so bye. But-- shit, gotta go, my ride's here early."

"Bye," Taiga types, but Tatsuya's already signed off.

_If she refuses to do any of that, then maybe she just thinks you're hot_. That's his answer, isn't it? Aomine didn't exactly refuse to go out together or hang out with Taiga's friends; it just never came up. The only time they had a real date, or so Taiga thought, was when they went to that onsen resort after training camp. And even there, they mostly just had sex. He didn't spend the night even once.

So it's pretty obvious Taiga was just stupid. At first, he was so happy Aomine was into him -- even just to fuck -- that he never asked any questions or said anything about how he felt. As the years went on, he assured himself that Aomine returned his feelings, just wasn't the type to talk about them.

_How little must he think of me that he kept on using me like that for two years without a change in his own feelings?_

Anger flares up deep in him.

*

One cold winter's evening, Aomine appears in front of Taiga after all, and it goes about as well as Taiga expected: like a perfectly serviceable disaster.

As he walks away from Aomine, his heart is pounding so hard he's sure the force of it is reverberating through the ground all the way to where Aomine stands. He doesn't stop until he gets to his apartment, where he shuts the door behind himself, puts his palms against it and lets the cool sensation soothe him. He doesn't know how he managed to keep it together; the surge of anger at Aomine's remark about fucking, probably.

But telling Aomine to stay away was the right thing to do. Seeing him again has ripped up all the patches Taiga managed to put on the places that hurt.

*

Most days, he doesn't pause to think about Aomine any more: the thoughts are there, waiting, but he's learned to redirect his attention. It's like going in for a shot: sometimes you _choose_ to ignore the pesky dude who's been marking you and trust that he won't stop you even if he tries.

He tried a trick Alex tried to teach him once: to deliberately think about the bad, painful, embarrassing moments between the two of them and squash the good memories. She suggested it so he could start seeing Tatsuya as an enemy instead of as his brother -- so he could be cold. It didn't work very well then, and it's not working that great now. He has no trouble remembering the bad things, certainly -- but there were so many more good ones.

Like that one night Aomine was leaving, and Taiga, who was internally sulking that Aomine wouldn't stay the night yet again, pretended to be asleep.

_"Kagami, didn't you hear me? I'm leaving."_

_Taiga lies there and breathes very deeply and evenly. Those yoga-inspired exercises the coach makes them do are really coming in handy._

_Aomine noisily unwraps a new breath mint and leans down over him, a looming warm presence with minty-fresh breath. "You fell asleep already?"_

_Taiga stays perfectly still._

_"Guess I worked you too hard, huh?" Aomine's voice is down to a whisper now._

_Then he does something that's going to turn Taiga into a giddy middle-schooler-on-the-inside for months to come. His hand caresses Taiga's cheek, stops to cradle the side of his face, and then Aomine presses his lips to Taiga's forehead. He lingers for a few moments, and it's all Taiga can do to keep his breathing even and not roll himself up into a blanket burrito of embarrassment._

It used to be one of those special memories, but now it leaves behind a bitter regret. _He was never that gentle again._

He selfishly interpreted it as affection, but that was before he knew that Aomine considered him a fuck toy. Obviously Aomine had to have other reasons for doing such a thing. Maybe he knew Taiga was awake and did it just to see how he'd react.

His phone spits out a message from Kuroko.

`I saw you called. Sorry, I was in class. Is something wrong?`

Kuroko's the only one who knew about Aomine and Taiga -- he figured it out even though he's all the way in Fukuoka. Probably because Taiga wouldn't shut up about Aomine.

"It turned out Aomine was just using me," he says without preamble after Kuroko picks up the phone. "I figured I should tell you."

"Is this why you've hardly called lately?"

"I called you on New Year's Day," Taiga protests. "We talked and everything."

"That was weeks ago, Kagami-kun. I was starting to worry."

"Oh. I didn't mean to make you worry. I just haven't really--" Taiga trails off. He doesn't know what to say next. He hasn't really wanted to talk to anyone, but that's kind of a rude thing to say to your best friend.

"What happened?" Kuroko asks after the silence grows too long.

"Nothing really," Taiga says, gripping the phone tightly. He's not ready for this conversation. He can't just tell Kuroko what happened and be cool about it. "He happened to tell me that I was just entertainment. He said it real offhanded-like, as if he expected me to know it already."

"That doesn't sound like Aomine-kun," Kuroko objects. "He wouldn't intentionally hurt anyone he cares for."

"You could say that about like ninety-eight per cent of the population."

"Do you really think so? I wish I had your optimism."

"Anyway, he doesn't care for me," Taiga says, and his mouth makes a wincing shape that's almost painful. "That's kinda the whole point."

*

When they first met, they hated each other on sight. 

Just because Taiga's feelings changed doesn't mean Aomine's did. This is the only thing that makes sense, really. Aomine would never be deliberately cruel to somebody he cared about; Kuroko said so. 

Taiga will just have to accept that he made a mistake and be more careful about what assumptions he makes next time he falls for someone.

_I do like you._

"Shut up," Taiga says. _He was just saying that to try and patch things up and get to bed upstairs. He even _said_ he wanted to fuck._ Intense dislike of Taiga as a person here or there, Aomine's appreciation for the physical side of their messed-up relationship has never been anything less than completely obvious. It's Taiga's own fault for thinking there was anything more.

His phone rings: it's Coach Masaoka.

"Hello?"

"You sittin' down?"

"No, should I be?"

"Not really, I just always wanted to say that to somebody. You know Aomine, right? Turns out he's quit his team."

Taiga blinks. "What? Why?"

"No clue. But lucky for us, right? One less monster to worry about."

"Y-yeah. Sure."

*

Taiga pulls back first, and Aomine moves in to kiss him. Taiga turns away.

"Oh, shit," Aomine says. "Wait, I have breath mints in my drawer--"

"It's not about your breath," Taiga says. He's thought about the goddamned things so often while they were separated that he's begun to associate the smell of them with the pain Aomine caused him. He'll be glad if Aomine never eats one again. "I'm not kissing you where your mom might walk in."

"Then let's go somewhere that she won't."

*

Kissing was nice, but now that Aomine's back in his bed, Taiga can't get into it, even though his dick is very into it.

He doesn't want to. He's become so used to thinking of every other time they did this as meaningless, so used to thinking he was just a plaything, that he can't let it go. He wants to be with Aomine, but not like this. At least not yet. 

And he's afraid of a lot of things. That Aomine will think he's just trying to get back at him somehow. That he'll get offended Taiga doesn't want him any more. That he'll shrug resignedly and tell Taiga to call him when he's done having issues. But he'd rather know where they stand now than make stupid assumptions and end up in a world of hurt some years down the line.

"Let's stop," he says. "I--"

Aomine nods. "It's okay. I can tell your heart's not in it."

That brings a new surge of warmth, but not enough to ease his apprehension. "Sorry."

"Nah. I only like it when you're feeling it, and it's my fault you aren't."

They lie next to each other quietly for a long while.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you," Taiga says after glancing at the clock, glad to have a reason to break the extremely heavy silence. "They're doing some track repairs on the line, so the last train is actually in less than an hour."

"I was going to stay," Aomine says. "Is that okay?"

Taiga bites his lip. It's almost as though the intervening weeks have chewed up the old Aomine and spit out an upgraded version. "Of course it's okay," he says. "Dumbass."

Aomine pulls the duvet up over them both and huddles closer. "Takes one to know one."

*

Taiga wakes up to the novel sensation of a toenail digging into his shin. He eases his leg away and tries to reclaim some of the duvet from Aomine, who's sprawled on his back in borrowed pyjamas with Christmas reindeer on them.

As soon as Taiga tugs on the duvet, Aomine's eyes flutter open.

He turns sideways and pulls Taiga into a full-body hug. "You weren't a side quest," he mumbles sleepily. "You're the endgame."

Taiga doesn't really understand what that means but decides to take it as a compliment.

[end]

**Author's Note:**

> Title borrowed from Soul Asylum.


End file.
